- There is no such thing as being born with self-doubt.
- A kid never stops trying to walk no matter how long they fall.
- Self-doubt can originate from:
- Parents imposing excessively high standards.
- Being bullied at school.
- Growing up in a toxic family dynamic.
- These repeated experiences prevent us from achieving our potential.
The 3 major Mind Pits
1. Failure to Launch
- People get stuck in a perpetual cycle of research, learning, and preparation.
- Endlessly consuming study materials, books, podcasts, and certifications.
- Makes us prone to “infomania” – an insatiable desire to be in the know.
- The knowing-doing gap by Pfeffer & Sutton – https://hbr.org/1999/05/the-smart-talk-trap
- We know what needs to be done. But we don’t do it.
- How does one fall into this pit?
- Rumination
- What if’s
- What if I fail?
- What if I am underqualified?
- What if I miss something?
- Overthinking
- What could go wrong?
- Why is everyone so far ahead?
- Why can’t I get started?
- What is wrong with me?
- This leads to procrastination & stagnation
- Solution
- Procrastination is not laziness. It is driven by the avoidance of pain associated with failure, rejection, or criticism.
- The pain of rejection is mentally felt as the same as physical pain. Hence, our mind and body try to avoid it.
- Shift our internal narrative
- “How could I make this happen?” instead of “I can’t do this”
- “I choose to do this” instead of “I have to do this”
- “What can I do to get excited to getting this done” instead of “Why do I not feel motivated?”
- Take immediate action even if it’s a small, messy, imperfect action. This way, you have short-circuited overthinking.
- Rumination
2. Treading Water
- Failing to finish what we start
- Self-doubts lead to hesitation
- “Should I have chosen this”?
- “I think this was the wrong decision”.
- “Maybe the other thing would have been better”.
- You lose interest. You seek greener grass. You get bored.
- The next fresh and exciting thing looks more exciting than going to the current finish line.
- Solution
- This mind pit stems from a lack of meaning.
- Take your time to reflect on why you’re doing what you’re doing.
- Find the bigger picture.
3. Destination obsession
- Looks like this: Set a goal. Put in the work to achieve it. Get a short burst of pleasure. Followed by a lack of fulfillment. So you immediately set the next goal.
- “I’m always thinking that I should be doing more”.
- “I should have accomplished way more than I did today”.
- Traps you by making you feel that you have never done enough.
- Delusion that you’ll finally feel happy and worthy when you get there.
- Upward counterfactual thinking – where we are obsessed with comparing the people ahead of us. Instead of feeling inspired, we think we have fallen behind.
- Solution
- Remind yourself that you are not your work.
- Your worth is not defined by your achievements.
- Set boundaries for yourself
- Schedule proper breaks.
- To meditate.
- To spend time with family.
- To work out.
- Compare yourself with others in a different person. Say “What can I learn from their journey?”
Closing quote
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit – Will Durant
Anu Shibin Joseph Raj 